There is no prize

As people we are pitted against each other, as women even more so.

As girls we are taught that we have to be prettier, smarter, more pure than other girls in order to secure our future.

As mothers we are taught to unravel what other mothers are doing so that we are right and they are wrong.

As older women we are taught that we are irrelevant and should disappear.

In all of these lessons we are pitted against one another, competing sometimes viciously.  But here’s the thing there is no prize.  We do not lift ourselves up by tearing others down.

I struggle with that lesson, there are times where I fail and analyse others lives and judge.  But there is no reward in that, often it results in pulling myself apart, things I do wrong, things I don’t but should do.

In many aspects of life competition is healthy, it’s what has driven many great human achievements, but in this area it is insidious.  There is no gain for competing to be the most compliant to societal values.  Being true to ourselves and allowing others to be true to themselves is far more valuable than treading on each other to climb to the top.  The sense of peace when competition and judgement dropped is alone worth opting out of the race. Even if there was nothing to be gained in supporting others it wouldn’t matter as there is less to be gained in racing to the top, because there is no prize other than a veneer of smug satisfaction to hide our own insecurities.

So why do we do it?

Why do we judge the girl who doesn’t sit to the side as a pretty decoration? The mother who has unruly children? The older woman who does not fade in to the background?

It’s so much easier to compete than to look at who we are, who we want to be and how to get from one to the other.  Yet if we dropped the competition and supported each other how much easier would it be?

If you have a few minutes to spare I’d really appreciate your vote in Apartment Therapy’s Homies – Best Family and Kids Blog.

Voting for the first round ends on the 8th.

Baby showers and building

It’s been a busy weekend, getting our kitchen slowly back together, piece by piece.

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More on that here.

Today has been a day off, probably ill advised but it’d be no good having a finished kitchen and no friends because we neglected our social life.
Today I hosted a baby shower for a friend who will soon welcome her fourth* baby. She had never had a baby shower and as this is her last baby I wanted to do something special for her. It was a lovely low key day, as she let it to a nice intimate group of her friends. I had a couple of hiccups with the games but all in all I felt I did okay considering its not really my forte.
If nothing else the cake I had made** for her was awesome.

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*after today I have a gut feeling the baby will arrive Christmas Day but I didn’t tell my friend that as I’m not sure she’d be too happy.

**I normally enjoy making the cake but without an oven it was a little impractical. After getting such an awesome cake made I think I might be going down that path more often.

Baby showers and building

It’s been a busy weekend, getting our kitchen slowly back together, piece by piece.

More on that here.

Today has been a day off, probably ill advised but it’d be no good having a finished kitchen and no friends because we neglected our social life.
Today I hosted a baby shower for a friend who will soon welcome her fourth* baby. She had never had a baby shower and as this is her last baby I wanted to do something special for her. It was a lovely low key day, as she let it to a nice intimate group of her friends. I had a couple of hiccups with the games but all in all I felt I did okay considering its not really my forte.
If nothing else the cake I had made** for her was awesome.

*after today I have a gut feeling the baby will arrive Christmas Day but I didn’t tell my friend that as I’m not sure she’d be too happy.

**I normally enjoy making the cake but without an oven it was a little impractical. After getting such an awesome cake made I think I might be going down that path more often.

It started out so well

Yesterday started out so nicely, paperwork that Mr. Wolff was waiting on for admission arrived in the mail, I’d done three loads of washing, cleaned the bathroom and even managed to brush my hair and put on makeup.
Eve and I went shopping and picked up the rug I’d had my eye on for a third of its original price. We had coffee with my gorgeous friend whose belly has begun to swell with baby number four.

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Then we came home and the back door was ajar, at first I figured I hadn’t slid the bolt across properly, but then I saw the glass.

It’s not the first time we’ve been broken into, and again it’s to feed someone’s drug habit. Only jewelry and cash missing, cash that ┬áMr. Wolff had been painstakingly saving to upgrade his dying iPad that next week could have been bought. Sure it’s a first world problem, it’s not starvation or disease. But it is a new window and back door in a position that is going to be completely changed rendering the door and window obsolete and stopping other projects planned for this weekend. It’s feeling invaded and watched again, knowing that they knew exactly where to find our things.

At least now my anger has fueled me through the rest of the cleaning and most of the way through reupholstering the bed. It’s reinforced my need to let go of things and continue to clean out and donate those things that we don’t really need that are languishing and taking up space.

It’s made me realise that I don’t believe in karma.

It’s made me want a bigger dog who doesn’t cuddle up to strangers breaking in to my house.

And a security system and maybe to move house again. So much for letting go of things

It started out so well

Yesterday started out so nicely, paperwork that Papa Wolff was waiting on for admission arrived in the mail, I’d done three loads of washing, cleaned the bathroom and even managed to brush my hair and put on makeup. Eve and I went shopping and picked up the rug I’d had my eye on for a third of its original price. We had coffee with my gorgeous friend whose belly has begun to swell with baby number four.

Then we came home and the back door was ajar, at first I figured I hadn’t slid the bolt across properly, but then I saw the glass.

It’s not the first time we’ve been broken into, and again it’s to feed someone’s drug habit. Only jewelry and cash missing, cash that  Papa Wolff had been painstakingly saving to upgrade his dying iPad that next week could have been bought. Sure it’s a first world problem, it’s not starvation or disease. But it is a new window and back door in a position that is going to be completely changed rendering the door and window obsolete and stopping other projects planned for this weekend. It’s feeling invaded and watched again, knowing that they knew exactly where to find our things.

At least now my anger has fueled me through the rest of the cleaning and most of the way through reupholstering the bed. It’s reinforced my need to let go of things and continue to clean out and donate those things that we don’t really need that are languishing and taking up space.

It’s made me realise that I don’t believe in karma.

It’s made me want a bigger dog who doesn’t cuddle up to strangers breaking in to my house.

And a security system and maybe to move house again. So much for letting go of things

It’s been a while

It’s been nearly a month since I last found the time and the will to write here. A lot has been going on, I started Uni, I’ve since deferred because childcare is too stressful for Eve, and the days have ticked away to this special day.

Today we spent most of the day running around like headless chickens fixing last minute issues (and while minor incredibly stressful at the time) with the bank for our house settlement.

In the end they are fixed and this evening we are officially home owners. Tomorrow we begin the long road of moving in and making our neglected house into a beautiful and much loved home.

Eve’s worn out at the very thought of it.

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I’m just excited!

It’s been a while

It’s been nearly a month since I last found the time and the will to write here. A lot has been going on, I started Uni, I’ve since deferred because childcare is too stressful for Eve, and the days have ticked away to this special day.
Today we spent most of the day running around like headless chickens fixing last minute issues (and while minor incredibly stressful at the time) with the bank for our house settlement.

In the end they are fixed and this evening we are officially home owners. Tomorrow we begin the long road of moving in and making our neglected house into a beautiful and much loved home.

Eve worn out at the very thought of it.

I’m just excited!