Fifty shades of ‘oh hell no’

Yes I’m angry again, first a disclaimer I haven’t read the text that I’m angry about and I’m not going to, there is no way I’m lining the pockets of a woman who puts dangerous ideas out into the world I’m raising my children in.

Fifty Shades of Grey – a book about a girl enjoying being controlled emotionally, mentally and physically. A book that women are eating up, and then spewing forth comments such as ‘every woman needs a Christian Grey in their life’.  You know I have no problem if women (or men) want a little sex in their text, even a bit of  BDSM if that’s what you’re into, but this is not that.  This book / series is an insidious introduction to the idiotic and dangerous idea that we should enjoy being treated as an object even to the point of degredation at least as long as the trade off is (supposedly) good sex.

Good sex is based on trust, not on abuse and control. By welcoming the idea that men like Christian Grey are worth anything to women or society is to tell our daughters that it’s a good thing to be treated like cattle and telling our sons that women are sub-human.  Confusing what seems to be some kind of sexual stockholm syndrome for love is opening up the doors to normalising abusive relationships.  Why would we head back down that path? Are we so desperate to surrender responsibility for our own lives that we not only escape into abuse fantasy but idolise the abuser?

People can hide behind the idea that ‘it’s just fantasy’ all they want, books can pervade societal norms and erode the walls between acceptable and unacceptable behaviour.  The sheer volume of women gushing over these books scares me, not because it’s trash-lit, but because it’s one of those smalls steps to abuse that I’ve talked about before.  Every little step towards accepting or in this case idealising abusive behaviour is another stumbling block for the person trying to summon the strength to leave an abusive relationship.  If popular opinion is that women need a man like that, how can someone who is being abused feel that it will be safe to leave or even know that it is not okay to be controlled and manipulated, will she now stay longer or never leave?

If it’s a thrill you’re after there are plenty of other options both well and poorly written, The Bride Stripped Bare is a good place to start, read away but don’t validate the idea that it’s okay to treat people like shit as long as you fuck them right.

Advertisements

Fifty shades of ‘oh hell no’

Yes I’m angry again, first a disclaimer I haven’t read the text that I’m angry about and I’m not going to, there is no way I’m lining the pockets of a woman who puts dangerous ideas out into the world I’m raising my children in.
Fifty Shades of Grey – a book about a girl enjoying being controlled emotionally, mentally and physically. A book that women are eating up, and then spewing forth comments such as ‘every woman needs a Christian Grey in their life’.  You know I have no problem if women (or men) want a little sex in their text, even a bit of  BDSM if that’s what you’re into, but this is not that.  This book / series is an insidious introduction to the idiotic and dangerous idea that we should enjoy being treated as an object even to the point of degredation at least as long as the trade off is (supposedly) good sex.

Good sex is based on trust, not on abuse and control. By welcoming the idea that men like Christian Grey are worth anything to women or society is to tell our daughters that it’s a good thing to be treated like cattle and telling our sons that women are sub-human.  Confusing what seems to be some kind of sexual stockholm syndrome for love is opening up the doors to normalising abusive relationships.  Why would we head back down that path? Are we so desperate to surrender responsibility for our own lives that we not only escape into abuse fantasy but idolise the abuser?

People can hide behind the idea that ‘it’s just fantasy’ all they want, books can pervade societal norms and erode the walls between acceptable and unacceptable behaviour.  The sheer volume of women gushing over these books scares me, not because it’s trash-lit, but because it’s one of those smalls steps to abuse that I’ve talked about before.  Every little step towards accepting or in this case idealising abusive behaviour is another stumbling block for the person trying to summon the strength to leave an abusive relationship.  If popular opinion is that women need a man like that, how can someone who is being abused feel that it will be safe to leave or even know that it is not okay to be controlled and manipulated, will she now stay longer or never leave?

If it’s a thrill you’re after there are plenty of other options both well and poorly written, The Bride Stripped Bare is a good place to start, read away but don’t validate the idea that it’s okay to treat people like shit as long as you fuck them right.

Are you F*ing kidding me

Matthew Newton, again in trouble for being a woman beating piece of shit.

What the hell media*? How dare this be about the cost of the show that he is no longer on and the “damage to the brand”.  How dare you shallow morons distract from the serious issue of domestic violence because oh no he has to go in to rehab.  Rehab is an easy out for this man, alcohol and drugs are not a trigger for abuse they are an excuse for abuse.  Using rehab this way denigrates what he has done and denigrates those who genuinely enter rehab to change their lives.  If he truly has mental health issues he should be admitted involuntarily so he cannot just waltz back out when the heat dies down.  I am absolutely furious that not once was sympathy or even a damn ounce of concern expressed for the women that he has abused. “His poor family, his poor employers, poor little lost boy needs help”.  You know what, he had his chance at help, he needs jail time.  It is about time that there was a public example where a coward like this was given what they deserve.

I can tell you now much to the dismay of the women hurt and the police he will get a slap on the wrist which is just not acceptable.  I can say from my own personal experience it is terrifying to have to take out an AVO, it is distressing to have to write lengthy statements and be stripped down to have your injuries documented only to have these abusers get laughable “punishments” if they pretend that they are contrite.  The Australian media** have no humanity and fuck all journalistic integrity – not that that is a surprise, and should be absolutely ashamed of the spin they have put on this story.

The lack of consequences for abusers and our pathetic inaction against this abuse in Australia is abysmal and only encourages reoffendingOne in three women suffer domestic abuse in this country and think that they don’t deserve better.  What kind of morally bankrupt culture are we living in where a sixth of our population are not only treated this way but feel that that is the best they can hope for in what should be the closest bond they have to another person.

The lack of support for people exiting a violent relationship is reflected in the medias lack of concern for Rachael Taylor*** and before her Brooke Satchwell.  It is also a reason that many women remain in or return to these unacceptable conditions.

I left my ex husband three years ago after his repeated threatening, shoving and mental abuse escalated.  For the longest night of my life I was held in my own home as his prisioner and sustained injuries that the police said were some of the worst they had seen for a first assault.  I was lucky as the police pressed charges and when they told me if I returned to the relationship I would end up dead I listened.  I listened because less than 12 months before a strong, smart and sassy woman that I went to school with was beaten to death by her partner.  But I can tell you beyond the police and a very close friend there was little to no real support out there.  I had to move two children and two dogs in with family (which makes me one of the lucky ones) and continue paying bills for our home (that we were no longer safe in) while the ex enjoyed throwing parties in that home.  I had to deal with the reality that an AVO does nothing to discourage abusers from breaking those boundaries to threathen, coax and cry at you, or worse.  I also had to deal with so called friends supporting him as he had a problem.  I continue to deal with anxiety attacks brought on if someone stands too close behind me or other equally benign and therefore frustrating triggers.

Yes abusers have a problem, but they hide it behind alcohol and drugs and gain sympathy and support. These men (or women) do not deserve sympathy or support they deserve to be shunned unless they can truly make reparations and change.  As it stands our culture shows them no reason to do so.

Seriously people this makes me fucking ill.

If you know someone who has been, is being, might be abused please save your sympathy for them not the abuser.

*Especially you A Current Affair – not that I expected journalistic integrity from you I’m not stupid.
** I am bitterly disappointed in The Australian I thought you were supposed to be a reputable media source, I can’t believe I have to lump you in with ACA.
***Rachael have him charged, despite what I say about the humiliating process a point needs to be made.

Are you F*ing kidding me

Matthew Newton, again in trouble for being a woman beating piece of shit.
What the hell media*? How dare this be about the cost of the show that he is no longer on and the “damage to the brand”.  How dare you shallow morons distract from the serious issue of domestic violence because oh no he has to go in to rehab.  Rehab is an easy out for this man, alcohol and drugs are not a trigger for abuse they are an excuse for abuse.  Using rehab this way denigrates what he has done and denigrates those who genuinely enter rehab to change their lives.  If he truly has mental health issues he should be admitted involuntarily so he cannot just waltz back out when the heat dies down.  I am absolutely furious that not once was sympathy or even a damn ounce of concern expressed for the women that he has abused. “His poor family, his poor employers, poor little lost boy needs help”.  You know what, he had his chance at help, he needs jail time.  It is about time that there was a public example where a coward like this was given what they deserve.

I can tell you now much to the dismay of the women hurt and the police he will get a slap on the wrist which is just not acceptable.  I can say from my own personal experience it is terrifying to have to take out an AVO, it is distressing to have to write lengthy statements and be stripped down to have your injuries documented only to have these abusers get laughable “punishments” if they pretend that they are contrite.  The Australian media** have no humanity and fuck all journalistic integrity – not that that is a surprise, and should be absolutely ashamed of the spin they have put on this story.

The lack of consequences for abusers and our pathetic inaction against this abuse in Australia is abysmal and only encourages reoffendingOne in three women suffer domestic abuse in this country and think that they don’t deserve better.  What kind of morally bankrupt culture are we living in where a sixth of our population are not only treated this way but feel that that is the best they can hope for in what should be the closest bond they have to another person.

The lack of support for people exiting a violent relationship is reflected in the medias lack of concern for Rachael Taylor*** and before her Brooke Satchwell.  It is also a reason that many women remain in or return to these unacceptable conditions.

I left my ex husband three years ago after his repeated threatening, shoving and mental abuse escalated.  For the longest night of my life I was held in my own home as his prisioner and sustained injuries that the police said were some of the worst they had seen for a first assault.  I was lucky as the police pressed charges and when they told me if I returned to the relationship I would end up dead I listened.  I listened because less than 12 months before a strong, smart and sassy woman that I went to school with was beaten to death by her partner.  But I can tell you beyond the police and a very close friend there was little to no real support out there.  I had to move two children and two dogs in with family (which makes me one of the lucky ones) and continue paying bills for our home (that we were no longer safe in) while the ex enjoyed throwing parties in that home.  I had to deal with the reality that an AVO does nothing to discourage abusers from breaking those boundaries to threathen, coax and cry at you, or worse.  I also had to deal with so called friends supporting him as he had a problem.  I continue to deal with anxiety attacks brought on if someone stands too close behind me or other equally benign and therefore frustrating triggers.

Yes abusers have a problem, but they hide it behind alcohol and drugs and gain sympathy and support. These men (or women) do not deserve sympathy or support they deserve to be shunned unless they can truly make reparations and change.  As it stands our culture shows them no reason to do so.

Seriously people this makes me fucking ill.

If you know someone who has been, is being, might be abused please save your sympathy for them not the abuser.

*Especially you A Current Affair – not that I expected journalistic integrity from you I’m not stupid.
** I am bitterly disappointed in The Australian I thought you were supposed to be a reputable media source, I can’t believe I have to lump you in with ACA.
***Rachael have him charged, despite what I say about the humiliating process a point needs to be made.