Where there’s smoke there’s indignation

I wasn’t going to touch this one with a forty foot pole, really I wasn’t, but today my feed is filled with indignant women.  Many of whom make points that I absolutely agree with. But something about this whole issue has gotten itself firmly under my skin and I’m about to go all ranty pants on it.

In case the title didn’t tip you off Chrissie Swan got caught out smoking while pregnant.  To be fair I’m not going to make a judgement call on Chrissie or her addiction, it’s her body and her baby and if she wants to take a risk like that it’s her choice right or wrong smoking is not illegal.

What has gotten to me in this whole discussion is twofold. The seemingly arbitrary line as to which addictions are acceptable and the fact that society believes they can (loudly and obnoxiously) tell women what to do with their bodies and their babies.

Would this same argument be happening if Chrissie had been caught drinking while pregnant?  Equally legal and also potentially addictive, we know that like smoking drinking has the potential to cause harm to fetuses.

Better Health have a fact sheet on the issue of smoking while pregnant, which can be found here.  I’m not going to go in to the risks because I don’t want them to be taken as judgement of Chrissie.  I don’t approve of smoking full stop, but it’s not my body or baby and as long as she doesn’t smoke near me or my children I have no business telling her what to do.

Drinking alcohol has a similarly long list of risks. Would people be so understanding of how addiction works if Chrissie had been caught out at the pub?

Or what if she had been caught fulfilling some illegal addiction?  I’m not keen to compare smoking to illicit drugs even though it’s often quoted that smoking is as addictive as heroin.  All the same I feel like the understanding and sympathy that Chrissie’s addiction garners would be thrown out the window if she was using.  Why is that if an addict truly can’t help themselves?  Why instead of providing support and access to professional support is an arbitrary line drawn dependent on where your addiction falls?

My personal experience is that society judges drinking much more harshly than smoking.  Five days before Eve was born we attended a trivia night held unsurprisingly in a pub, the nasty comments I got leaving at the end of the night were pretty harsh considering I’d only been drinking soft drink.  Which leads me to my next point,  women particularly pregnant ones are still somehow deemed public property.

I assume that the public property attitude, which is only intensified in Chrissie’s case working in the public domain, stems from old herd instincts.  That may be naive of me but I assume that deep down this urge to police behaviour stems from trying to protect the greater good of the gene pool.  That doesn’t make it okay.  Humans have spent centuries sloughing off outdated ways of thinking but when it comes to how women should and shouldn’t behave we haven’t. If anything the policing of behaviour right down to how we look has increased with the media playing proxy for an absence of societal elders. 

Is the judgement of Chrissie that much more gleeful because she is part
of that same media that lays down the societal law in a less than subtle
manner? I can’t say that I’m surprised at just how hard she has been hammered considering that she is not only part of the media but part of programs that build their round up on telling us what to wear and how to think.  It’s no excuse but I think some of the anger directed at Chrissie is a perceived chance to push back at media dictating who we should aspire to be. It doesn’t make it right and it certainly doesn’t mean that women in or out of the spotlight are treated as public property.

I think to some degree we have all experienced being behaviourally policed but I have found that as a woman it has been more intense surrounding pregnancy and parenting.  I’ve been criticised for working up until the week Eve was born (at a desk job no less – not exactly out there jack hammering), and of course been told that I shouldn’t be eating from a platter of cold meats at a work function – ironically by a coworker who was also pregnant at the time and smoked.

How do you feel about this?  IS it our business to police others?  Should people be made to remember ‘if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all’?  

If you do want help quitting smoking Quit have a wealth of resources for you.

If you have a few minutes to spare I’d really appreciate your vote in Apartment Therapy’s Homies – Best Family and Kids Blog.

Voting for the first round ends on the 8th.

Advertisements

Not quite

Today I spent a very luxurious day in bed. I didn’t make it through my final week at work. On Monday when I was limping out to the car I knew that was it, thankfully the doctor agreed with me. Today I caught up a little on sleep, a lot on not moving and therefore not aggravating my pelvis and plotting out the rest of the wait.

Tomorrow night we have a quiz night to attend and on the weekend super best man arrives to stay with us for a week, in the hope that little miss will arrive just before or during his visit.

I’m going to try to fit in some swimming with my positioning exercises and some walking.

I have a couple of crafty projects I need to finish. Some more vintage style dolls and a knitted pram toy that I have to sew and stuff.

I guess we’ll see how much I get done and how long squiggle takes to decide she is ready to make her way into this world.

These are the last batch of the dolls I sewed, they were my goddaughter’s birthday present.

38 + 2

Anytime now, at least that’s what I keep telling myself.

My last week at work is ahead of me. My pelvis is over ripe and stretching too well and I’ve had a head cold since Tuesday. But it could be worse, I could have pre-eclampsia or any number of other horrible things.

Little miss squiggle is still posterior, I guess if that changes it will be a fair indication that she’ll arrive soon. At the moment it’s her way of telling me she’s not quite ready.

Hopefully this will be the last week of waddling round the market, the last week of climbing the stairs at work and training my replacement.

In good news Mr Wolff is expecting a phone call on Wednesday from a law firm, during which they will schedule his interview. Fingers crossed that it will all go well and lead him to a happy first job in law.

Name game part two

You might remember a while ago I was very stuck on a name that someone else had just used.My dilemma was that even though we didn’t know each other in person it still felt like name-napping.
In the end I was prepared to overlook that because unless you make something up, and possibly even then, other people will use that name.
Once I let go of the hang up the strangest thing happened. I was over the name. It was like a silly childish ‘I only want something if I can’t have it’ situation. I still stuck with it for a while because nothing else stood out in it’s place.
Until we had the ultrasound a few weeks ago.

Looking at her pretty little face I couldnt see her with that name at all, I couldn’t see her as Priya either. I could see a simple short palindromic name and thankfully Mr. Wolff could too.

So baby girl has a name other than squiggle.

I would share now but we aren’t telling family until she arrives and they’ve been trying pretty hard to get it out of us, so I don’t want to take a chance that it will slip to them if I put it out here.

But as soon as she arrives, you’ll know.

( I hope it’s soon I don’t think I can make it working until the 1st of July )

36 + 3

I guess we’re on the home stretch now, little things are getting hard to do, like getting out of bed.

I think we have everything we need for our little miss, so now we wait while she finishes growing, not that there’s a lot of room left in there for her.

The room is nearly finished, bits have been washed and now the house needs to be cleaned URGENTLY, because the nesting bug has kicked in.

Lately we’ve been enjoying going to the market on Sundays for our veggies and some flowers and yesterday we went to the new butcher in our area. A million times better than supermarket food. Apart from the rude shoving people I am looking forward to taking the squigg with us, but more so when she’s bigger and I can show her all the cool produce. I’d love to grow some things so that I can show her how fruit / veggies grow.

It’s a lot colder here now so dragging my butt to work in the mornings is getting more difficult, I’m grateful for the public holiday tomorrow! Even more I’m looking forward to my last day on the 1st of July.

Still waiting for a grad offer to open up for Mr Wolff, if one came up somewhere nicer like Perth I wouldn’t complain. If an interview comes up he can wear his very late birthday present, a pair of Wolff cufflinks from Skulk of Foxes, who have a big sale on at the moment.

Anyway that’s where we are at the moment a little tired, a little ready to be done being pregnant, but at the same time savoring it. Hope winter is not biting too hard at your toes.

Now in 3d

After work today we headed to Sound Diagnostics on the other side of the city to have a little peek at Miss Squiggle.
I was hoping to get them to confirm the sex, but there way no chance with the way she was laying so I’ll just have to have faith in the last scan.

The last one is typical of what she has done in the last two scans, it seems covering her face with her hands is very comfortable. Or she’s photo averse like her mum.

Either way I’m really awed after getting to see our girl in such detail before she’s born. 8ish weeks to go…

Maternity ring

My fingers are fat, or rather fluidy. I have managed to still wear my engagement ring on it’s own up until today.But it’s pretty clear that that is over for the rest of this pregnancy. The thing is I am incredibly uncomfortable without my ring on, so it’s time for a maternity ring.

There’ll be no expensive eternity ring at this stage so a budget friendly but interesting ring is the direction we’ll be taking.

The solution – The Acrylic Diamond Ring by AMT

Via Oye Modern

At the reasonable price of AUD $30
I’m thinking of the ruby colour seeing it is the birth stone for July

21 Weeks

Things are just going so quickly.

Already over the halfway mark we’ve now had our 20 week scan and everything looks fine. I feel so grateful that our little squiggle is a very active healthy baby* when I know it doesn’t turn out that way for everyone.

We’ve been trying to get all the major purchases out of the way as we have to move mid-May when our lease is up so I don’t want to have to buy anything after the move that’s essential. We are really lucky in that many of the major things are hand me downs saving us a small fortune and eBay so far has provided the rest.

I’m in the middle of knitting a mobile for the cot reminding me how lucky I was to have a patient Nan to teach me, giving me the satisfaction of creating things myself and saving money!

I’ve decided to get off my lazy butt and take photos each week of the bump, I plan on this being my last pregnancy so want to document it as much as possible.

In other news I started art school a couple of weeks ago, it’s amazing but I’ve had to drop back from 3 subjects to one as I bit off more than I can chew to begin with. But even though its tiring it’s very satisfying.

*In case you want to know, squiggle is a baby girl. We aren’t patient enough to wait.

Through the sound window

Yes I made a lame play school based pun.
 

On Tuesday we got to have our third scan, the first in which the squiggle appeared all baby-like, and not just a heart flutter.

and because we scored a cool ultrasound technician we got a peek on the new equipment, where the baby looks less baby like and more alien invader – which would explain a lot.

Excuse the crappy quality they are photos of the scan print outs because we don’t own a scanner.

Anyway, it’s starting to feel more real now, and my belly is becoming rounded and pregnant shaped which is lovely.