Yesterday and today I have been trying to keep busy, to keep my mind occupied and away from the things I don’t want to know that I know.
I sit here waiting essentially for someone to die.
Someone who I respect and admire a mother of a small girl just a little younger than Eve, who is being stolen by aggressive cancer. A vivacious intelligent lovely caring woman going when there are so many who love and need her.
I barter in my mind those others that I would gleefully trade in her place.
All this grief I try to dodge by burying myself in the mundane details of life, but it just reminds me that she doesn’t get these things. All this grief for someone that I technically do not know as all of our interactions have been online, something that many people would not understand.
We married months apart, we had babies months apart but fate willing I selfishly hope this is one journey we will not share. If it was within my power it would be somewhere she would not go so soon, so unfairly.
While I wait for news I wish was not true, I bury myself in the mundane and try to appreciate how lucky I am to have that choice.