Where does it stop? With us.

There’s nothing quite like a high profile* murder to break your heart just a little more. The news that Jill Meagher was found murdered and not alive and well as she should be just makes the world a little sadder. Not just for Jill or her family, although distressingly and unfairly so for them, but for all of us.

*or any murder, or rape, or assault, but only when it’s high profile do we hear about it and that truly needs to change.

Mothers it’s time to make sure our sons are raised to value our daughters, to really see them as equals and not objects. It’s not our job to make sure our daughters dress conservatively and are guarded whenever they set foot outside, it’s our job to make sure our sons would never see the alternatives as an opportunity for violence.

It is time to stop victim blaming and start perpetrator shaming. Small incidents and inappropriate behaviours that go ignored and unreported are the stepping stones for awful things happening. Women are constantly harassed and frequently dismissed when they are brave enough to speak up. Even if we are mocked, or if we annoy someone or supposedly waste their time, it’s time to bring these assholes out of the safe haven of ignorance and report them. Report until we are blue in the face and our voices are hoarse. If someone touches you up on the train, or is menacing take a photo, we all carry them in our phones now, and report them. If the person you report them to doesn’t take you seriously go to the next person up the chain. There is no more room for being a good girl and keeping quiet, it’s killing us and it’s doing these assholes a huge favour by keeping them invisible while they find their next target.

It’s time to stop the whispers of ‘well she should have accepted an escort home’ or ‘she shouldn’t have worn that’. It’s time to stop blaming victims and lay all the shame and animosity squarely where it belongs, on the perpetrator. No more being punished for having the audacity to not have a penis. No more being told to play nice with others who we should not even have to be in the same world as. We need a riot ladies and men, one where we tear apart these ridiculous ancient standards and truly start acting as equals. We are not property and we are not pets to be kept safe, we morally and legally have equal rights and it’s time we took them seriously before they are completely eroded.

If we keep on keeping on with our heads down because we don’t want to see the ugly truth we are all doomed.

There are many great articles and posts for you to read on these issues but I suggest Catherine Deveny or even do a quick search for Rape Culture, it’s insidious and enough is enough.

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6 thoughts on “Where does it stop? With us.

  1. This is such a great sentiment – that we hold the power of change. It’s such a tragedy, beyond comprehension, really – and it’s incredible how it’s touched everyone so deeply. Kellie xx

  2. Agree 100% Lila. I’ve actually been a bit flabergasted at the number of women in particular who’ve made comments about what she was wearing, being out alone etc etc. WTF.
    Apportioning any blame whatsoever to the vivtim only diminishes the responsibility of the perpetrator. Not acceptable.
    Was SICKENED to hear that this man was on parole for other violent crimes.

    • Exactly. I thought about taking the post down because Jill’s family have asked people not to prejudice the case by talking about the accused. So I’m going to avoid saying too much about him, other than I’m so terribly disappointed in our justice system.

  3. I agree! What has really struck me with all this though is how much I feel for that asshole’s family (unless they’re the same as him!). Because I’ve only got a son I just kept thinking what if he grows up like that, so this post really struck a chord.
    I just want to send out big hugs to all the people hurting who shouldn’t be hurting and it’s horrible that everyone else doesn’t feel that way and instead wants to throw blame and negativity out into the world.
    What truly scares me though is if women had spoken up before this happened maybe we would still have Jill in this world… I’m definitely going to make sure my voice is heard if anything untoward ever happens to me or around me!

    • A book that I’ve been going to read is A Father’s Story by Jeffrey Dahmers father, I think it would be something that would give some insight into the what the family experiences in these situations.
      I do agree and if we could work on the hurt that others suffer the maybe there would be less people lashing out and continuing the pattern of hurt? Maybe that’s too simplistic.

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