Bitter end

Over the weekend I’ve had to face that Eve’s last breastfeed passed unnoticed and unremarkable and her interest in my breasts is now purely for comfort and entertainment.*

To soften the blow I snuck in a disgusting cheeseburger but it just left me feeling a little empty and with a lot of heartburn, I don’t think I’ll be rushing back in to eating dairy products, tempting as it is to go get a sundae.

At fourteen months old I know we’ve had a reasonable run, my second child self weaned at the same age. But still I’m saddened, I was prepared and fought for extended breastfeeding this time around. My supply needed lots of help having had a breast reduction between children and I worked at it with diet and sheer bloody minded perseverance. We kept it going despite having to completely overhaul my diet due to Eve’s allergies because I firmly believe where possible breast is best. But now after over a week of no feeds and no interest here we are at the bitter end.

I’m bitter because Eve still wants the bottle, bitter because of the sharp drop off in feeding caused by immunisation and a little bitter that I didn’t realise we were done until it was too late, no last photo to mark the occasion.

All the same what a lovely experience to have shared, what a thing to behold my body first making a child and then sustaining that beautiful little life. Fourteen beautiful months of boosting her immunity and helping her to grow into the little bundle of energy she is. I am so grateful that we were lucky enough to feed at all even if my goals could not be met.

So while there is no record of the last here is the first feed, my tiny one at the breast so soon after emerging into this world.

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I’ll do my best to remember that the end sad for me as it is means that there was a beginning and a middle, which I was so fortunate to have.

*She really likes to blow raspberries on them for some reason, or just cling to them when she asleep.

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10 thoughts on “Bitter end

  1. I was surprisingly sad when my youngest weened at 13/14 months. When I was done nursing my older girl at almost 13 months, I felt fine. Free. Content. But with my younger girl was done, I was so sad. Maybe its because I’m on the fence about having a third and if so, it won’t be for a few years. It didn’t hit me until about a month or two after – maybe her ambivalence towards nursing was fleeting and I should have pushed through it. But like you said, they were given the very best I had and I love those memories.

  2. Oh, I know that the sadness is overwhelming, but you should feel SO PROUD for your breastfeeding. You persevered in the face of extraordinary obstacles. You’re a champion! Kellie xx

  3. Bravo Lila! You have done an amazing job. I have witnessed a few friends who have really put their hearts and wills to the test to make their breastfeeding relationship last as long as it could. Women are awesome. I had to wean my girl around 14 months because I needed to go back on medication for migraines. It was awful but became clear cut when I became too sick to look after her. Luckily it was no big deal for her but it was pretty heartbreaking for me. I was really sad for a while but once the hormones got under control I felt a bit better. I love that last photo.

    • Thank you, I can’t imagine how awful it must have been to have no choice but to give up, migranes are so cruel. I do think the hormones are settling which is certainly helping along with everyone’s support and understanding.

  4. Congratulations, you have done an amazing job especially going above and beyond when most people would have given up! You’ve definitely inspired me so thank you.
    Logan is into the boobie raspberries at the moment too I love it hehe

  5. Another one who breastfed until about 14months.. I think maybe at that age they reach a bit of a crossroads, there is too much going on around them to sit and feed…? I thought I’d feel sadder than I did after our last breastfeed, but maybe it’s because, as mentioned above, I assume we will have another.
    Although now when Bay sees my breasts she behaves like they are just another body part, nothing special to her and that does make me a feel a bit wistful that she has forgotten.

    You did spectacularly well to persevere inspite of all the obstacles with your supply and her dairy allergy.. Eve is lucky to have such a dedicated Mama, at least she finished when she was ready, even if it happened to be before you were ready.

    Big hugs Super Mum

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