Yes I’m angry again, first a disclaimer I haven’t read the text that I’m angry about and I’m not going to, there is no way I’m lining the pockets of a woman who puts dangerous ideas out into the world I’m raising my children in.
Fifty Shades of Grey – a book about a girl enjoying being controlled emotionally, mentally and physically. A book that women are eating up, and then spewing forth comments such as ‘every woman needs a Christian Grey in their life’. You know I have no problem if women (or men) want a little sex in their text, even a bit of BDSM if that’s what you’re into, but this is not that. This book / series is an insidious introduction to the idiotic and dangerous idea that we should enjoy being treated as an object even to the point of degredation at least as long as the trade off is (supposedly) good sex.
Good sex is based on trust, not on abuse and control. By welcoming the idea that men like Christian Grey are worth anything to women or society is to tell our daughters that it’s a good thing to be treated like cattle and telling our sons that women are sub-human. Confusing what seems to be some kind of sexual stockholm syndrome for love is opening up the doors to normalising abusive relationships. Why would we head back down that path? Are we so desperate to surrender responsibility for our own lives that we not only escape into abuse fantasy but idolise the abuser?
People can hide behind the idea that ‘it’s just fantasy’ all they want, books can pervade societal norms and erode the walls between acceptable and unacceptable behaviour. The sheer volume of women gushing over these books scares me, not because it’s trash-lit, but because it’s one of those smalls steps to abuse that I’ve talked about before. Every little step towards accepting or in this case idealising abusive behaviour is another stumbling block for the person trying to summon the strength to leave an abusive relationship. If popular opinion is that women need a man like that, how can someone who is being abused feel that it will be safe to leave or even know that it is not okay to be controlled and manipulated, will she now stay longer or never leave?
If it’s a thrill you’re after there are plenty of other options both well and poorly written, The Bride Stripped Bare is a good place to start, read away but don’t validate the idea that it’s okay to treat people like shit as long as you fuck them right.